Jesus and Mohammed

(Pan to Jesus dialing on cell phone, Jesus waits. Go to split screen. Muhammad picks up. Jesus begins speaking.)

Jesus: Hey Muhammad

Muhammad: Uh, what’s up JC?

Jesus: Not much, but uh, a few of us are getting together this weekend for a little poker, maybe pizza, drinks. 10 bucks to play. You down?

Muhammad: Who’s going to be there?

Jesus: Oh you know. Buddha..

Muhammad: That jerk? Hey, how’s that whole Atkins thing working out for him?

Jesus: Ok I guess. He lost some weight. People aren’t rubbing his belly as much. Which he appreciates.

Muhammad: That’s very cool. Anyway, who else is in?

Jesus: We’ve got Joseph Smith.

Muhammad: My favorite Mormon!

Jesus: Yeah. Then there’s Gandhi.

Muhammad: Holy cow!

Jesus: Ha-ha yeah. All the other usual suspects will be there too. You know. Moses, the pope, Satan, Pete Rose. Hey God said he might show up too.

Muhammad: Allah is coming?!

Jesus: Actually I was talking about white people God. The one my people like.

Muhammad: Oh well, that’s not what my fortune cookie said. Where are we playing?

Jesus: My place. It’s past the river. I’m gonna walk it, but I’ll leave a boat out for you guys.

Muhammad: Oh Jesus! You kill me! You know I have a soft spot for subtle humor.

Jesus: I know, I know. Hey, that reminds me. The Apostles and I are going to see that new Dane Cook movie on Friday. You down for that too.

Muhammad: I’d rather be crucified.

Jesus: Eh, Dane Cook’s on par with crucifixion.

Muhammad: Yeah, I’m going to see Mr. Woodcock anyway on Friday.

Jesus: Cool, cool. I love Billy Bob Thornton. (Jesus’ phone buzzes. He looks down and exclaims) Ahh! Dammit!

Muhammad: What?

Jesus: I’m getting a text from L. Ron Hubbard.

Muhammad: Who?

Jesus: You know, the founder of Scientology.

Muhammad: That guy? He sucks.

Jesus: I know, but he wants in for poker. Man, I don’t want that jackass playing with the guys.

Muhammad: Make something up, man. Say you’re being resurrected or something that day.

Jesus: Ah, but that’s not for eight more years.

Muhammad: Fine, invite L. Ron. Oh man! I remember him now.

Jesus: Yeah.

Muhammad: I’m telling you, I’m not reading his science fiction crap again like last time. And he can’t be the Packers if we end up playing Madden. That’s my team son.

Jesus: Fair enough.

Muhammad: Hey peace bro, I gotta go. I’m meeting Muhammad and he’s got 72 virgins waiting for me.

Jesus: Right on man! Hope none of them are pregnant.

Muhammad: Like your mom was?

Jesus: Yeah. Hey, that’s mildly offensive!

Muhammad: All right, keep it real.

Jesus: Always have.

(Both hang up)